Supporting the Grieving in the Third Third of Life

In light of all the suffering our congregation and community have experienced over the past two years, Ryan Tompkins and I recently developed a seminar called “Why Does it Have to Hurt? Reflections on God, Suffering and Hope.” Ryan is our Pastor of Care and one of the counselors on our staff. In this seminar we address three things:

• If God is good and powerful, why is there so much suffering?
• How can we care for our friends who are suffering?
• How can we connect with God when we are suffering?

One of the articles we hand out as part of this seminar is called 10 Things You Should Know about Grieving People by Nancy Guthrie. Nancy, along with her husband, David, hosts the GriefShare videos and are fellow sufferers who have lost two infant children. I have found this list to be helpful as I care for my grieving friends. I hope you will, as well. Here is Nancy’s list:

1. Grieving people don’t expect you to have words that will fix this, but they do want you to say something.
2. Grieving people don’t want to hear a story about your own or someone else’s loss.
3. You don’t have to be in the inner circle of a grieving person’s friends to be a welcome companion in grief.
4. If grieving people cry when you bring up the person they love who has died, it’s not because you made them sad.
5. Grieving people will not necessarily call you if they need something.
6. Grieving people long to keep on hearing their loved one’s name.
7. Grieving people would enjoy hearing a story about your experience with the person who died.
8. Grieving people want you to simply be there at the visitation, the funeral, and beyond.
9. It is extremely hard for a grieving person to have to give a report on how they’re doing. But they do want you to invite them to talk about their grief and their loved one who died.
10. It means the world to a grieving person to hear from you on the anniversary of their loved one’s death—no matter how long it has been since that person died.

Click HERE if you would like to read the whole article. If you would like a copy of the seminar handout, which includes three articles and a list of recommended resources, email me at steve.mclean@hppres.org.

Thanks to all of you who wrote notes to the staff this past weekend. We have been blessed reading them. We are grateful for your encouragement, prayers, and love. Thomas began on Monday as our new Senior Pastor and I have had the opportunity to be in a number of meetings with him. I can’t wait for you to meet him on Sunday and hear him preach on Acts 2:42-47.

Glad to be a part of HP Pres with you,

Steve McLean, Pastoral Fellow